


Suga's Journal

by 8_8



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 00:29:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13582179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8_8/pseuds/8_8
Summary: "This doesn’t make sense. But it’s my journal, so it doesn’t have to. Should I give a history of what we are and where we came from? I suppose so. I’m Sugawara, a second year in college. My boyfriend Daichi is as well. We’re living together in a tiny apartment near school. I’m an education major (focus on early childhood education) and he’s a criminal justice major. He’s talked about going into the police academy and stuff. I’d love to have a man in uniform…but I’ll save that train of thought for another day. But we haven’t always been dating (obviously.) I didn’t even know it was an option until the summer before we started college."





	Suga's Journal

I didn’t realize he’s what I’ve always wanted until I gave myself to him. But now that I have, my life will be fine no matter what happens. I guess I’m just going to use this as a diary to record our relationship. If anything bad happens, I can look back on the good times, or muse about the bad things that happened that we got through. It’s funny I can’t imagine it ending, not that I haven’t entertained the possibility, it’s just this feeling of clarity ya know? This doesn’t make sense. But it’s my journal, so it doesn’t have to. Should I give a history of what we are and where we came from? I suppose so. I’m Sugawara, a second year in college. My boyfriend Daichi is as well. We’re living together in a tiny apartment near school. I’m an education major (focus on early childhood education) and he’s a criminal justice major. He’s talked about going into the police academy and stuff. I’d love to have a man in uniform…but I’ll save that train of thought for another day. But we haven’t always been dating (obviously.) I didn’t even know it was an option until the summer before we started college. 

We’ve been friends since the beginning of high school even though most people think we grew up together. We both kinda-played volleyball before high school as fillers for teams that needed people. But Karasuno was a big-name volleyball school at the time, and Daichi wanted to be a part of that. Since I was basically the only person he knew when school started, he asked me to join the team with him. I felt guilty saying no, so we started playing volleyball. Coach Ukai almost killed both of us, but we became stronger and helped lead the team to victory on more than one occasion. It was a huge part of my life and it makes such a difference when you have someone to share it with. We stayed best friends throughout high school. I suppose I should mention that I came out about halfway through my first year. I cried on his shoulder pleading that this wouldn’t mess up our friendship. He hugged me and laughed (not unkindly) at me for thinking something so stupid. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it.

Throughout those years, we tried to be wingmen for the other, but it never really worked out (no shock there). It’s funny looking back – I would point at the manager or at any of the cute girls around, and he would dismiss them all: their personality wasn’t a good fit or they just weren’t his type. When we graduated, we partied and drank, but I ended up drunk with this other guy. I went off with this guy and we made out for a bit, but about 5 minutes into it, he jerks away and throws up. So that was that. Apparently Daichi left almost immediately after I did. I saw him the next day anyway, but he seemed moody for some reason and wouldn’t tell me why. We ended up going to the same college. Honestly. It was complete chance. I think we both assumed that things were going to change after high school, and didn’t talk about our plans for the future much because it was depressing. It’s unsettling to think about going to another school now, but things worked out.

Anyway, there was this retreat our high school volleyball team was going to for practice and they invited us as a kind of “last farewell” thing. Asahi already had a summer job in the town of his university and he couldn’t make it, so it was just Daichi and me driving (about an hour) to this retreat. Shit always gets real in the car. Everything was normal until we got onto the topic of graduation day and the party. Then I felt tension. He didn’t show it, but I’m sure it was there. After laughing about how wild people got, he smoothly segued into my fun with the guy. At the time, I thought he was actually making fun of me so I told him sarcastically that we fucked all night. He was completely taken aback. Surprised by his response, I stuttered a bit and said, “Kidding! We made out for literally 3 minutes then he puked. Clearly not the best of memories for me.” He laughed half-heartedly, but didn’t seem to be as cheery as he was before.

The retreat came and we spent it pretending we were still a part of the team and that nothing was changing. We knew we would have to leave the following morning and came to terms with it. Still, the two of us took a moment to let nostalgia wash over us before morning came. Everyone was in the bath and getting ready for bed, and Daichi and I were loitering outside the gym. Because it was the last night of the retreat, I was getting emotional and might have shed a tear or two. Daichi cheered me up and told me they’d find their way just like we would. “Also, we’ll still be together so it’ll basically be like nothing changed.” I laughed and looked up at the sky. It was unusually clear out and you could see every star in the sky. I looked back at him and he was staring at me. He turned away quickly and wiped his eyes – he was tearing up. I thought it was just because of the retreat. Eventually morning came and we had to leave. We already had a teary goodbye from the team, so this parting was full of “Keep in touch!” and “See you later.” So we left.

After we’d left, we went back to our apartment. We rented a 2-bedroom so it would be cheaper. Since it was our first night alone in the new place (we had a house warming party a few weeks ago), we drank to celebrate. We were playing some drinking game that I was apparently much better at than he was, so it wasn’t too long until he was giddy and doing that stage-whisper thing where he’s trying to act quiet because it’s bedtime. He’s really fucking adorable when he gets drunk. Then he stopped laughing at himself abruptly. “I hava question.” He furrowed his brow and would have looked a little upset except that his pouting lips made him look like a little kid. “Do you like that guy you made out with at the party?” I was buzzed so I didn’t sugar coat my answer: “At the time I did, but no. I probably wouldn’t do anything with him sober.” Yeah. I’m an asshole. It’s fine. He smirked and said, “Good.” I was a little moody myself and said, “Why, what if I did like him?” He was staring at his empty glass “I wouldn’t like it.” he seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me. I turned my attention to my beer, absent-mindedly twirling what was left in the bottom of the can. “Why? Is there something I don’t know about him?” He shifted, “No, not about him…” His voice trailed off and broke. “About who then?” I was still messing with the beer cans for some reason (maybe I was a little more drunk than I remember), but when he didn’t answer I looked up. Daichi was sobbing – he couldn’t look at me. Now, drunk me was really freaking confused. Like, was this just him being drunker and emotional or was I not paying attention and the conversation changed and I didn’t notice or…? Also, I’ve never seen him cry like this. This is one of those soul-bearing ugly cries. I didn’t know what to do. He was always the one to comfort me. I tried. “Hey! What’s wrong??” Then I hugged him and he got quieter, so I thought it helped. Then he scared me with a voice I wasn’t used to hearing, “Please get off me.” He was more reserved than usual. I did, but asked, “Why? What’s wrong Daichi?” He looked up at me with eyes barely holding back tears and said, “That’s all I want.” Drunk me didn’t get it, so kept pestering him “what do you mean that’s all you want? What do you want?” Then he started ugly crying again and babbling. I was starting to sober up from the drama and finally understood what he was saying. He never spoke in complete sentences and never said it in full, but basically what he wanted to say was: “I like you more than a friend Suga. I want you to hug me more than anything, but I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.” I hugged him until morning.

He didn’t pretend it didn’t happen at least. All morning we talked about him being gay and how his family would feel and what it was like in high school. He talked about how he almost told me so many times, but was afraid that it would seem like he was flirting or something. We talked about how I was trying so hard to find a girl he likes. Through all of this, I realized that I had something to tell him too. About midafternoon, I told him that there was something that I needed to tell him too. He got serious and was clearly trying to be as receptive as possible to payback all the drama he thought he just gave me. “Well, it’s more of a question I guess.” [I was tryin to be so smooth] He nodded. “Will you go out with me?” His face turned bright red. I could tell he was about to argue so I interrupted, “I know you think I’m making fun of you or trying to make you feel better. I’m not. I’ve liked you since we met, but since it’s fucking stupid to be interested in someone who’s not interested in you, I figured I was friend-zoned and felt happy for being your friend. I know you’re afraid this might ruin our friendship, and I don’t want you to think you have to say yes or anything, but now that I know you’re gay, now that I know you’re interested, you need to know that I feel the same way about you.” Then, he was a mess. He cried, and I cried and we were just two messes hugging it out for awhile. Then I kissed him, and his face turned bright red again. I made fun of him for blushing which made it worse. “Shut up,” he smiled and playfully pushed me. So we started dating. It really wasn’t that full of drama – just a good amount of tears.

 


End file.
